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Daily Tip:

Guess who's back?

12.01.04 (7:39 am) [edit]

Thought i might start blogging again. I just can't really be arsed! Lazy lol. Having so much fun at the moment, tis awesome so yeh leave me some messages!

Found it

08.21.04 (2:29 pm) [edit]

Soo. Im not gonna get all reflective and shit on this summer coz there's still some left. Im happy. That's what kicks ass. I have seen so much of the world this summer. I've been on three continents. I feel lucky. Me and Steve are through. That was finished for good as far as im concerned today. I've met better people. He says he loves me but it's tough shit. He's fallen out with me anyway. Talk about extremes eh?!

I can't really explain why i'm so happy. Maybe it's coz i've met so many kick ass people and only been with the coolest the whole summer. I've missed some friends. It works both ways though. The other night i was at Gens which was another funny night and chat! She's the best when it comes to talking. I can tell her everything and im not embarrased!

I don't wanna go back 2 6th form but i want a routine back coz im tired! I always everywhere and at differnet times! I can't wait to meet new people either.

You don't have to call, say anything at all. Predictable.

Lets go on a journey

08.21.04 (2:07 pm) [edit]

Before before

wake up all alone
sending postcards back to home...
on the road

if the medication works
could i be the way i was?
in control

you painted a picture
i'm the worst type of sinner...
you know

you painted a picture
happier than i can afford

nobody can save me
nobody can save me
nobody can say what i'll do if i'm alone

sign off
sign off
sign off
sign off
sign off (nobody can save me)
sign off
sign off (nobody can save me)
sign off

Middle

I came to tell you 
How we've all began 
Nothing seems to work out right 
I'm broken down again 
So hold me now 
And say it's not forever 
Maybe someday 
In time 

Things will go my way 
Things will go my way 

I've pushed to get through 
The crowds in twisted zone 
Just to find I'm right back here 
Doing what I'm told 
So take my hand 
Don't let me surrender 
'Cuz maybe someday 
Yeah, in time 

Things will go my way 
Things will go my way 

For all the lives 
I've tasted 
Just looking for the truth 
For all the dreams I'm chasing 
What am I to do 
With everything against me 
The answers are all wrong 
Open now, I'll find out 
It was working all along 

So hold me now 
And say it's not forever 
Maybe someday 
In time 

Things will go my way 
Things will go my way 
Things will go my way 

For all the things 
I've tasted 
Just looking for the truth 
For all the dreams I'm chasing 
What am I to do 
With everything against me 
The answers are all wrong 
Open now, I'll find out 

Things will go my way 
Things will go my way

Now

I haven't found a song yet but it's a happy one.

Cruising

08.07.04 (8:39 am) [edit]

Soo we just left port in Italy. Been to Florence and Pisa today and it kicks ass! Tomorrow we're going to Monacco. Jeff is ace! So is Leo. More soon i have no time.

Go get on a boat and wake up somewhere new every day!

Tomorrow

08.01.04 (11:16 am) [edit]

Im having my nails done, staying at Cazs and then Tuesday flying to Majorca for a cruise. Fun! Tee hee.

Oh the life.

I forgot the title of this blog.

07.30.04 (3:22 pm) [edit]

Busyness. I dunno what to say. Im busy, it's late and im busy. Too much stuff to do! Been at caz's, in manchester, embarrased and erm yeh, fun!
How is the weather where you are?

Cx

Hola

07.27.04 (3:51 am) [edit]

Wow, so i'm talking to a guy from Colombia called Juan Felipe on msn, i don't know how he got my contact but whatever. He likes good music. So i'm having to speak in Spanish and i'm pretty impressed with myself!
Off to the gym again later. Oh my fun times. Pah, Caz's 2moz, play on thurs tis cool.

Inabit.
Cx

What's new?

07.26.04 (9:01 am) [edit]

Nothing.
Today - Gym, Shop, Home, Net = Boreed but not if yanno what i mean!
This months Kerrang kicks ass.

Cazzyx

1 week, 2 days

07.25.04 (8:34 am) [edit]

I can't wait for Caz to get back n then the cruise. Im so excited about it! Argh, i just had to get my excitement out seen as I can't speak 2 Caz coz she left her phone at home and is gone for a week. So yeah. I can't wait to catch the flight and the airport coz that is gonna be funny but the boat. I think i will die of laughing that week.

The perfect feeling.

07.25.04 (8:31 am) [edit]

I keep getting really giddy inside. Like i'l be singing a song and then i can't sing anymore because i have the bigest, giddyest grin on my face. It's the best in the world. It keeps happening. I'm guessing it's brought on by my favourite songs that make me remember stuff. They don't even have 2 be songs i like! I was in the car today and Usher's Yeah came on the radio and i hate him so much but it made me so giddy coz it madde me remember the dance me n nathan were doing in liquid and it was class! So fun! I dunno why it reminded me then coz i totally forgotten about it and ive heard that sone other times! Anyway. It's great.

I know a place where we can go. Getaway.

It's easy to fall when you sink like a cannonball

07.25.04 (7:49 am) [edit]

I like that song.
Just been to the gym, i thought i was gonna die lol. I've never had that feeling at the gym before. I'm guessing it's coz i still have a bit of a cold.
What else? I dunno. I hate Sundays, tomorrow is Monday. Yay.

if you love something set it free

07.24.04 (3:37 am) [edit]

If you loved me like you always tell me when your home then when i say im moving on don't come back and make me feel like this. I think some things are never going to change. He always comes back, he always makes me feel like this. This time will be different. I predicted this and that's what you are, predictable. You're not playing games with me, maybe i'll play games with you. Maybe this time it's your turn to get hurt.
Things will never change no matter how hard you try.

So i've been really busy and it's been great. Can't be arsed with what i've been doing if you care ask me. Now i'm excited for the cruise.

I had some more stuff but i can't remember what that was about.

Best friends can become strangers. That's the way we're heading when you say i'll talk later and never do.

Summer is awesome. Im gonna need a few weeks to recover after.

Argh, Phillip might have a job as a roadie. I don't know him but i wanna be his girlfriend!
Cazx

When you wake up.

07.17.04 (12:19 pm) [edit]

I am the happiest ever. I admit i have the best life. It sucks sometimes but it is amazing even though i hate it at times!

So i landed back at Gatwick at sometime around 7 this morning. Antigua was the best. If everything sucks in England i'll always have love there. Soo i swam with dolphins. Went to the Jam Corner/Fair/Calypso thing.

More soon maybe!

Delays

07.09.04 (12:10 am) [edit]

Im at the airport n my flight is delayed and im bored. Buyin an mp3 player tho! Ok thats all. I cant wit to go stand in the beach! I can't wit to see Kim either.

Bye

I dunno if i can blog there!
Pfft

Inabit.

Caz.

On the move again

07.07.04 (11:54 am) [edit]

I need to rest! The flight will be the most calm i've had this past week. Im so happy. Stuff is going well plus i also had a massive reality check visiting Sally in the place for people with mental problems. So yeah.

Amazing time in London and now a way cool time at Caz's house. We're making a movie and it's so cool. The opening credit is amazing. It's the story of our summer. It starts with fondue adventure #1. Pretty rad methinks. Today Dan drove us to the station then we went to Blackburn, saw mean girls, then caz, liz, jenny and me ran round like idiots. Then we went home ate pizza. Now i'm here.

Tomorrow i'm off to London and then Friday morning I fly for Antigua for a week. So excited.

Love you, Miss you.
It's mutual amounts.

In a week. (or sooner)

Caz.

I love our conversations

07.05.04 (12:55 pm) [edit]

yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
eww its u!
yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
HELLO!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
HI THERE DUDE
yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
lol how come ur suddenly all american?
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
dunno really!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
i just like calling people dude at the moment!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
Well just this minute actually!
yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
ah ok!
yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
god im talkin to loads of ppl its crazy i keep forgettin ppl! im sorry if i forget u for a moment!!
yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
not that i will coz ur uber important1
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
haha ok lol!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
You have my entire concentration! I have no friends lol!
yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
aww U HAVE ME!!!
yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
rarara
yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
?
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
yay! I have one friend now!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
Yes, rara ra rararara rarar a
yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
oooobly!!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
ahhhhhhhhhhhh
yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
pocahontus!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
we're so odd
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
I've never seent hat cartoon!
yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
u must watch it!!
yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
argh that was wierd i jus sed to sum1 else **QUOTE**"im so odd"**QUOTE** n then u had sed it also
yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
lol did u no its illegal to molest butterflies in america?
yey i beat my tennis teacher says:
and a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
haha wow. We should go to the super market, buy a jar of pickles and stand at the end of the checkout sit on the floor, drop them all and see if they bounce and if they don't run round shouting and pointing at the staff accusing them of false marketing! Yay!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
I think we have a link. Like with the itchy eyes, yanno the oddness and saying it at THE SAME TIME!
a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces says:
haha! we so shud!!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
I really want to!
a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces says:
so do i!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
Do you think they'd throw us out?
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
They'd probably be pissed off coz we umm made the floor a mess with pickle juice!
a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces says:
lol its also illegal to hunt moths under street lamps
a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces says:
....like ud want to
a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces says:
yeh i think wede b chucked out lol
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
OH MY GOD! Let's go molest some butterflies and hunt some moths under street lights. That would be a cool thing to have on our criminal records.
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
Aaah and then we'll apply for a job at one of those butterfly house things like in Lancasters big park and they'll be like "i'm afraid you cannot have this job as you have been found guilty of molesting butterflies"
a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces says:
haha they so wud actually!
a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces says:
lol! wow i actually lol'd then tis crazy!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
haha you wierdo!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
like out loud?
a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces says:
yeh hehe im so hyper!!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
We should do the pickle thing at the end of Matts checkout lol. He'll think i'm way cool then!
a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces says:
haha he totally wud!!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
Me too! We're always hyper. Tis cool. Umm i forgot wht i was gonna write, oooh yes yes yes i had some cool facts that i read in kerrang but i forgot them! I will find them and greet you with them 2morrow!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH u gotta watch the dvd. Joe is a legend on it. Pete has both his nipples pierced, ew!
a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces says:
ooo quick tell me an annoyin saying!
a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces says:
lol ok then!
a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces says:
eww!
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
knee high to a grass hopper
Yes i should have reported it and no jelly fish don't need much sleep. says:
annoying but cool at the same time!
a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces says:
haha!!! i like that lol!

I love Caz! She is a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces and she's a dude. Ha.

Gawd

07.05.04 (12:43 pm) [edit]

I hate having such mixed up feelings. Mainly because i want to be mad at you but i love you too much to be like that and i miss you and i want to see you. People like you are my rock. That's why i tripped up so badly when it felt like you didn't care. You do care and i miss you.

So i think i know why i'm in such a fragile way at the moment. It's because i never finished saying what needed to be said to Mrs. Perrins back then. I just wanted out, i couldn't look at her and i didn't want to be within three feet of that bitch. I should have waited, i should have got it out. Soo Gen suggested i wrote her a letter. Remembering that she is some authority at school and even though the letter would be polite it'd be offensive. It'd have to make her feel bad. I'd want to hit her hard with my words. Is it a good idea? I dunno. It'd help but then again would it? Whatever. I was thinking about it while lying in bed the other day i had some powerful things to write on that paper. Thinking about her, this situation made my pulse race i was so uncomfortable and angry.

Anyway. This summer. It's gonna be amazing, it started with London. An amazing time. The rest is gonna follow on and be just as cool. . Antigua, the cruise, leeds, drunken nights you get it.

Dammit i want that piercing, i need to find time. Shit i go away again on Thursday! I need to wash my clothes. I need to get that piercing.

Off now.

Oh wait, cheeck out the fall out boy acoustic cd/dvd - my heart will always be the b-side to my tongue. Amazing.

I'm stealing that, reversing it and using it in my letter.

Caz.

You don't get it either

07.01.04 (11:32 am) [edit]

Sooo I've been thinking. Not especially thinking. Words that get said make me realise more and more.
You think you can understand this but you never will. If i don't understand it you can't You haven't been here and don't tell me you have and you understand. Have you ever felt the need to cut up your arms just to be happy. Then have you ever felt the pressure when your 'friends' know to stop just to live up to their expectations when all you really want is a knife and blood on your arms. It's sick but it's what i've wanted. Thanks to you i can't have that. Everything i wanted was taken from me. I've quit my smoking habit. Maybe i should go back there. I need something. Everyone deserves some sort of stress relief. Just coz mine is drastic. I could manage without that if you'd stop with the 'i knows', 'i know what you mean', 'yeh'. Let's fucking drop the act. What i say is directly aimed at you. I say it to your face it doesn't click yet. Only one person other than me can see it in my face, in my smile, in my eyes and that person is not you. She knew from the beginning and still knows. She's got the fucking guts to talk about it to my face. It was you guys that stopped her getting there in the first place and i'm truly sorry for that. It makes me feel worse. She wanted to genuinely help but felt she couldn't coz she didn't want to make it worse. She thought you all being close everyday would notice. You can say you do but i don't believe it anymore. Before i was so green.

I still love you i always will and always have done i just wosh you'd stop thinking you know what it's like. I bet my life on the fact you didn't know i was worse than ever. You said it to m and changed your tune when i set the record straight. Im sick and tired of telling people. Why can't they take a look and know for themselves.

You made my mind up for me.

So much for that

06.30.04 (11:46 am) [edit]

There's so many unsaid things that i wanna say but i just can't be arsed. There really is a whole bunch of stuff i guess im frustrated about but whatvere. I told a lot of it to Gen when we were supposed to be revising for History. I can't be bothered to write it.

It feels like i've been dropped from the team. In more ways than one. That best sums it up.

So much . .

06.30.04 (11:44 am) [edit]

For crying out loud.

06.30.04 (11:20 am) [edit]

I'm pissing myself off in so many ways. Im tired all the time at the moment. I guess two years of never sleeping properly and worrying has caught up with me. And for what? Now i have nothing to do and nothing to worry about. My mum says lets do something and i keep wanting to say no i've got revision and then finding a million and one ways of doing no revision. No i don't have to do anything. Im bored. Im allowed to do nothing and i'm bored. It's only for this week though. Friday to Monday i'm in London, Tues n Wed at home, Thurs in London for a night, Friday in Antigua for a week. Then i get home the 17th. It's great ecc show, i dunno if i'll end up going so thats two days. Then I'm down south somewhere with Alistair coz he's driving some posh cars. Then I'm on a med cruise for a week, then im at Leeds Festival. In between i need to find time to hang out with friends. At the moment i'm sooo bored. I think tomorrow i might go get my ear pierced.
So im waiting and dreading Steve's return. I don't think i'll see much of him. I'm just hoping he doesn't bother me. I'm interested to see what he trys to pull with me this time. Fuck it. It'll probably only work. It's got to the stage that im so used of telling him i'll be pissed off if he doesn't get in touch! Wierd.

Not a lot

06.28.04 (11:42 am) [edit]

I just wrote on of these and lost it.
Basically im tired.
Im off to watch most haunted and cribs.
I want the tpoints.
The extension i designed is fine.
Cool.
Bye.
C.

Ha ha. Yeah and it's at you.

06.27.04 (11:39 am) [edit]

Wierd thoughts.
They're still fucked up in a way and i'm still realising that this doesn't matter to anyone anymore. Thats cool with me because i told the guy you hate we were friends. That how much i matter to you.
Sooooo um I have the best few days ever.

Friday - My last exam. Went and got stoned with friends, then i went home. Was wanting to catch up with Rachel. Yeah and that didn't happen. Went home. Went for a meal with my mum and bro. It was ok. Not good not bad, mainly because they pissed me right off. Then i stole loads of mints and sat around watching punk'd and whatever. I love that show.

Saturday- Went to the lakes to scrap the architects plans for the extension to the other house and made up my own which kicks ass. Umm then we couldn't find the Matthew so the architect doesn't have my plan yet. Then i was driving up and down the road. I'm not very good at that yet, turning corners (sharp ones) isn't very easy. I drove like 2 miles though and it was cool. Im getting L plates for next time though so people know that i actually can't drive rather than thinking im just crap. Then i got home and did nothing. Then i went to Kellys. Ha. The best time ever! Im gonna write another post about that later. It was too funny and i am too tired and hungover and stuff.

Today - Woke up. Tidied the mess we made all over Kels house and garden and everything. Then Kel, Me n Fraser watched TV for ages and then Shelly came to pay us back for her taxi to hospital last night and umm yeh then i came home. Got some dinner at the priory and was annoying. Pay back to my mum. We finished eating and i sat and drank my coke really slowly going 'are you bored? How about now?' Now i'm here and it's cool.

I am now a non smoker, an anti smoker and wondering how long i can stay like this. I was gonna not drink too but my mum brought this wine home and i'm having that later. It's pink. Wierd.

Whaat else? Im sure there was some other stuff.
Nah i'll write bout Kels soon.

Heartbreak, fake smiles.

Caz.

06.24.04 (11:00 am) [edit]

Never get my hopes up.

That whole positive vibe was short lived.

I know i shouldn't be a smoker but it doesn't feel like it. Resisting one more thing is tough.

Thats not really what i want

06.24.04 (10:21 am) [edit]

I had some stuff to blog about but i've forgotten about what it was gonna be. Oh i do remember it was about having to wait for an hour but it was all worth it to see my good friend. Lateness didn't matter i just wanted to admit how fucking gutted i am about Tom. It might not seem like a big deal but it just is. It bites.

So something that has just been playing on my mind right now and hit me is the fact that the way i am and feel is not cool. You don't wanna feel like this, you don't even wanna fake it. I don't know what that deal is but it's kinda offensive.

So party at Kels on Saturday. Tomorrow im getting drunk too. My pain will be gone but Sunday is onna be hell when this shit catches up with me. I predict myself and i know i'll be right. It's not good.

I'm drowning in the next room.

C.